Every day is an adventure for me, today being like all the others. The plus side today was there was no rain. The clouds were threatening but Mother Nature was on my side for once.

I had another one of those days where everyone stared at me. I felt as if I had a giant red cone on my head or was walking around naked.

While on the train headed to my doctor a guy looked up at me and smiled. “Ugh, I forgot to fix my hair,” I thought self-consciously.  I looked at my reflection in the window and patted it down. On to the next stop – I laughed out loud at a small woman carrying a five foot Christmas tree onto the train. I looked back down and the same guy was smiling and staring at me again. I figured he also found this scene to be hilarious and smiled back.

“I’m doing the flirty eyes again…” I thought as his eyes never left my face. “Stop! Quick Ivy, Mean Face!”

Off the train now and walking down Broadway I had five or six cars honk at me. I wasn’t in the street or blocking traffic in any strange way. They just looked and honked. Just like in that Allstate commercial – minus the accident of course.

I got to my doctor’s office after being flirted with by the doorman and filled out paperwork. I decided it was the appropriate time for a quick bathroom break and was shown to the restroom by my new doctor. His reviews online were great, I’m picky and in my mind this was the trial appointment.

He won me over quickly. He had me at the toilet. The seat was heated, and the toilet comes equipped with front and rear cleaners. I sat down, unaware of the masterpiece under my behind and stood up quick, as if I sat on needles.

I touched the toilet seat with my hand and couldn’t believe it. I used to want to name my daughter Toylay (I hadn’t gotten the spelling quite right). I was discouraged by my friends who swore it was just the word toilet in French. Well if they had experienced this toilet on a cold December day they would find the name fitting. I mean people are named after cars right? Mercedes, Lexus. I even met a kid on the train who was named after a cognac (the jury is still out on that one, Remy is also a type of popular weave).

Anyways, after my toilet experience and the wonderful doctors appointment I headed back out to catch the train uptown. When I got to Third Ave. it happened again! The stares, the “Hey, miss pretty lady” (awful line by the way), the honking of the horns and the nods and quick one-way conversations. I almost expected a cab driver to pull over and start singing “Time is on my side, yes it is,” Fallen style. I walked quicker, as if someone was chasing me, but I think my awkward walk combined with my speed draws even more attention.

A guy tried to stop me. “Do you always look this beautiful?” he asked. I laughed and continued to pass him. “Hey, is your boyfriend bigger than me.” I don’t know why, but I answered him – “No.”

My boyfriend isn’t bigger than him, he isn’t six feet tall and nearly 250 pounds either. No offense, but I’d rather my boyfriend.

He shouldn’t have asked. I stopped and laughed and continued on my way. I shouldn’t have answered.

My boyfriend swears that I have huge eyes and that’s why people stare at me. But even on my off days I go through this. Maybe its my semi-piggy nostrils… I seriously don’t know what it is.

But Fallen is one of those movies that I’ve been afraid of since I was a kid, and every other day I half-live Denzel’s experience. No demons but still… no bueno. I need a mask and some mace pronto.

© 2011 Ivanna M. Elliott
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