Thomas went into his fridge for some milk.  As he tasted the bitter-watered down milk, he yelled.

“What is this? – This is disgusting!”

He ran towards the barn, to his eight maids a-milking cows, and gave them a piece of his mind.

“Who the hell put the bad milk in the fridge?”

“Not me sir, maybe it was Helen?”

“Helen, was it you?”

They went down the line until they got to Sarah.

“Not me. Maybe it was your wife.”

He went inside to tell his wife.

“Can you believe those stupid turkey-basting evil dumb-as-sticks maids? Blaming you for the bad milk! I’d rather drink horse pee! I bet they were trying to poison me!”

“The milk in the small glass jar babe?”

“Yes.”

“That’s Juniors milk,” she said as she closed the door, “I pumped it this morning. - Try the couch tonight.”

~ ~

I caught up.
But I think I was better off killing birds

Check out the other Blogfestivus participants here:

Blogdramedy
Fix it or Deal
Shouts from the Abyss
Stevil
A Few Clowns Short
Rewind Revise
The Original Bean
Becoming Bitter
Words That Rhyme with Purple
Mad Hatters
A Daft Scots Lass
Random Says
Suzanne Forte PR
Slightly Whimsical
Trail Blazer 1
Lenore Diane’s Thoughts Exactly

James Stein took his children out for a walk on this unusually warm December day, while their mother was at work late.

They stopped and watched the seven swans a-swimming in the pond behind their home.

“Daddy,” Suzie asked “Why are all those swans white? Do they come in different colors?”

“There are black swans,” James told his daughter.

“That’s my favorite color!” Suzie smiled and said. “Can I have a black swan daddy?”

James smiled at his little princess, “I don’t think people have pet swans honey.”

“I like black nail polish, black shoes, black bags, black men, black…”

“What?” her father interjected.

“What do you know about black men Suz? You’re only 10.” Jay-Jay asked.

“Well mommy always tells the ladies at Starbucks: ‘I like my coffee black just like my men.’ So… so do I!”

Jay-jay laughed at kid sister, “Someone’s in trouble!”

~ ~

I’m finally catching up.
Next up, Eight maids a-milking!!! [I finally stopped killing birds! ]

Check out the other Blogfestivus participants here:

Blogdramedy
Fix it or Deal
Shouts from the Abyss
Stevil
A Few Clowns Short
Rewind Revise
The Original Bean
Becoming Bitter
Words That Rhyme with Purple
Mad Hatters
A Daft Scots Lass
Random Says
Suzanne Forte PR
Slightly Whimsical
Trail Blazer 1
Lenore Diane’s Thoughts Exactly

“I want to shoot those mother-eff’s,” Ranger Antonio said as he walked through the park. “Isn’t that what they did over there near LaGuardia after the birds caused the pilot to land the plane in the Hudson?”

“Yea, yea. But you know PETA, they’d get naked and start another campaign if we dare try to save this park.”

“That actually sounds like a pretty good idea.”

“I swear, there’s more Canadian geese poop on the ground than there is grass anymore! It’s disgusting. Is there anything we can do about it… Maybe, we can put down some poison?”

“Look over there. Dag-nabit! Six geese a-laying! Where’s your gun?”

“No!” Sergeant Raider yelled.

The ranger quickly pointed the pistol at the first bird, “My wife may appreciate the delicacy of the animal,” he said as he pulled the trigger on the pooping animal.

“Bye-bye birdie.”

~ ~

I’m slowly catching up. Next up, Seven swans a-swimming!!! [I seriously need to stop killing off birds! ]

Check out the other Blogfestivus participants here:

Blogdramedy
Fix it or Deal
Shouts from the Abyss
Stevil
A Few Clowns Short
Rewind Revise
The Original Bean
Becoming Bitter
Words That Rhyme with Purple
Mad Hatters
A Daft Scots Lass
Random Says
Suzanne Forte PR
Slightly Whimsical
Trail Blazer 1
Lenore Diane’s Thoughts Exactly

10 days until he was home for the Christmas holiday, and there was no food in the fridge at his dorm.

The expiration date had passed but it was the only food left in his freezer.

Barbecue chicken wings and a few onion rings.

The night before he had Ramen soup. The college student’s diet. But tonight he wanted something more… fulfilling.

He placed his frozen food on a tray and put it in the toaster oven, and 25 minutes later he had a plate full of food.

Thick and tasty chicken wings and five golden rings.

20 minutes later he regretted his decision as he let out a chorus – butt tooting songs like a jazz musician and loud moaning, as if he were singing the blues.

“I haven’t sharted in 13 years,” he thought as he looked at his favorite Gap jeans and shook his head in shame.

~ ~

I’m slowly catching up. Next up, Six geese a-laying!!!

Check out the other Blogfestivus participants here:

Blogdramedy
Fix it or Deal
Shouts from the Abyss
Stevil
A Few Clowns Short
Rewind Revise
The Original Bean
Becoming Bitter
Words That Rhyme with Purple
Mad Hatters
A Daft Scots Lass
Random Says
Suzanne Forte PR
Slightly Whimsical
Trail Blazer 1
Lenore Diane’s Thoughts Exactly

When I was 14 I had my first boyfriend – Peter Louis.

On the second day of our “relationship” he wrote me a Christmas card, detailing his love for me and calling me his “angel.”

Things began to get strange when my friend Ebony and I saw his family getting out of a green Honda Civic. We counted 13 people.

One day I walked to his house and saw four french hens walking in a line towards his back door. Ebony and I exchanged glances and moved on.

It wasn’t until three days later when I saw three french hens in his backyard that I questioned Peter.

I was a newly converted vegetarian and the thought of slaughtering chickens in a house in Jamaica, Queens was absurd.

Who ever heard of a bird ending a relationship? Peter lasted one week. I can’t say the same for the bird.

~ ~

I’m slowly catching up. Next up, Four Calling Birds!!!

Check out the other Blogfestivus participants here:

Blogdramedy
Fix it or Deal
Shouts from the Abyss
Stevil
A Few Clowns Short
Rewind Revise
The Original Bean
Becoming Bitter
Words That Rhyme with Purple
Mad Hatters
A Daft Scots Lass
Random Says
Suzanne Forte PR
Slightly Whimsical
Trail Blazer 1
Lenore Diane’s Thoughts Exactly